Habili-blog 7/27/18
“Relapse is a part of denial”
by Jared Mayes
I recently read an article about Demi Lovato relapsing. The article went on to detail the reaction of her fan base and how they were very understanding of her situation. They expressed their undying support and belief that “relapse is part of recovery.” Now I must admit that sounds like a pretty good deal knowing that if I ever chose to relapse than I can just chalk it up to “Eh, it happens.” I don’t believe in giving myself justification to revert to an old behavioral pattern. This isn’t to say that I don’t understand that people will fall and rely on drugs to numb whatever the most recent excuse they decide to use over, but I do not understand how us as a society can cosign an addict’s relapse and pat them on the back saying, “It’s ok, try again.” If I was to climb a mountain I wouldn’t want my peers to tell me if I don’t make it to the top not to worry about it, just try again. Before I even started climbing the mountain I would have the idea in the back of my mind that if it gets too hard or I get too tired then I can just come back down. No way! If I’m going to embark on a personal journey I cannot leave any room for negative self-talk or backdoors or I will assuredly take the easy way out. We are so quick to tell ourselves that we will always be addicts and that’s just the way it is because that it is easier to bypass the internal battle of relapse. All that does is take all the accountability out of our decisions and gives power to an inanimate drug which can apparently make us inject it into our veins. I don’t know about the rest of you, but Heroin has never spoke to me and told me that I’m just a worthless addict that will never be able to fully put drugs behind me. And yet I still many times again decided to poison my body knowing fully well of the consequences that would soon ensue as a result. Why? Because I made a conscious decision to pick up the pipe or the needle but didn’t want it to be my fault. I thoroughly enjoyed having a scapegoat to point the finger at whenever my character defects inevitably surfaced. The more we pat an addict on the back and have this understanding for when they take steps backwards, the further away they will ever be from making the choice to never go back to using. I take a stance of pity over empathy for relapse. I pity the fact that they just aren’t ready to stand up to their inner demons, whether it be a result of enabling, trauma, or just lack of self-control. I cannot empathize someone’s unwillingness to better themselves. If you choose to stay the same, you will. Bottom line. No one will save your life except for you. There’s no magic potion, pill or spell that can take the urge to use drugs away. I have a solution for you though. Don’t do drugs. I get that it’s not that easy especially because it took me a two-and-a-half-year long program to supplement this solution. What I learned was that everything we do is a choice besides involuntary bodily functions such as breathing. I choose to make my bed in the morning just as I choose to brush my teeth before I go to bed. I have come to a point in my life where I appreciate what I have too much for putting drugs in my body to be one of those decisions.