Habili-blog 8/9/18
“A line in the sand”
by Jared Mayes
PARENTS OF AN ADDICT
Restless nights, loss of appetite, emotional instability and just a general lack of knowing what to do next. A lot of addicts might be nodding their heads right now because they assumed I was going to write about Heroin withdrawal symptoms. Well, I’m talking about a drug more addicting than any on the market, which hurts a million times worse when not available. I’m talking about the love for a child. The symptoms previously mentioned are brought on when that child falls into the grips of addiction.
I talk to a lot of parents of an addict in my line of work. Granted there are some who have struggled with addiction themselves, or even in rare cases have some sort of vocational training in the social work or addiction studies. The majority of these phone calls come from parents who are naïve and usually oblivious to their child’s addiction or how to even begin to help them. Through the tears and pained voices comes the same general message. “What’s next” This question is usually brought upon by months or even years of accidental enabling. This could come in the form of money, a place to stay, or even just the comfort of knowing that you will always be there to pick them up when they fall.
I personally don’t have kids, but as does the rest of the world, I have a mother. A mother who once told me that if she could take all the pain and suffering caused by my heroin withdrawals and experience it herself instead, she would. The sad truth is, if that was in the realms of possibilities I may have taken her up on the offer. All the years I spent pushing my family away, thinking that the only person I was hurting was myself, is one of my biggest regrets to date. The fact that I was that much of a financial burden is trumped by the emotional and physical turmoil left from my tornado of a lifestyle.
It is ignorant for an addict, even those who feel forgotten or disowned, to think that a parent could ever actually turn their back on them. The truth is, I will shake any parent’s hand who has drawn a line in the sand and given their child the sink or swim ultimatum. Then and only then can an individual truly begin to start their journey to a better life. The real heroes in the proverbial story of addiction are the parents. The ones that all they ever wanted was to understand why we would torture ourselves. The ones who lay awake at night awaiting the inevitable phone call from the hospital with a sympathetic voice on the other end with the news they’ve been preparing themselves to hear for years.
Luckily for myself and the addicts reading this, that phone call hasn’t occurred. There is a non-repayable debt left in the tracks of a recovered addict. Not a monetary debt, but an ethical debt. I make payments towards this restitution through my actions. Every night my parents can sleep soundly, not worrying about the well being of their child is a priceless check that I will gladly sign.
I’ll end on this tidbit of advice for the parent’s who may or may not have related in one-way shape or form to this. Guide your child, but don’t ever carry them. Love your child but don’t ever coddle them. I may have acquired a scraped knee or two when learning to ride a bike, but if I never took off the training wheels I never would have got that feeling of looking back and realizing that my parents had let go. The feeling that I was finally riding on two wheels.