Habili-blog 3/4/18
“Cut the umbilical cord ”
by Jared Mayes
Picture yourself sleeping after a long day of work, you came home, made dinner, and read your favorite book before drifting to sleep, when all of the sudden the phone rings and on the other end of the line is your 35-year-old man child. You think to yourself, “Why me? Why am I still taking care of a grown man?” You’re in your 70’s now, and all your friends are retired and traveling the world but you’re still working that dead-end job trying to pay off all the extra expenses that comes along with supporting a drug addict. You may be able to find a few differences between these scenarios and tell yourself “My son is different,” but at some point, you have to see your part in enabling your drug addicted family members. From paying their bills to something as small as letting them stay the night at your house, you must realize that if you give an addict an inch they will take a mile. To become dependent on something or to rely on it, can mean relying on drugs, but equally detrimental it can mean relying on someone to allow you to stay the same. Every time your child calls asking for 20 dollars for gas and you give it to them knowing all too well that it is going straight into their veins, you might as well be buying the dope for them. You must understand the manipulative mind of a drug addict who has lost all inhibitions of right and wrong and becomes a greyhound chasing the metaphorical mechanical bunny of getting high. They will go to any length to finagle a quick buck from the man or woman who so innocently conceived their junkie self. So how do you combat that scary “E” word, enabling. Well you could always force them into a treatment center and hold your breathe until you turn blue in the face praying to God that this time is different and they turn their life around. Or you could draw a line in the sand and let them know that you are done watching them kill themselves. I know this is going to be a hard bullet to bite, but you have to let your child fall flat on their ass and come to the conclusion on their own that every back door getting out of putting in the effort to change has not only been locked, but the key thrown away. They have to be invested enough in their recovery to value it for what it’s worth. A second chance at life. Not a punishment from mommy and daddy to buy them time until the heat dies down and they can continue on their treacherous path to destroying their life and bringing down everyone around them. Dads, you have to see that your child is an adult and it’s on them to decide what they want more for themselves. Moms, you carried that baby inside of you for 9 months. You changed countless diapers, comforted never-ending tears, and protected from all of life’s hardships, but I’m here to give you permission to cut the umbilical cord. Give guidance, not accessibility.