Act as if

Habili-blog 11/26/18
“Act as if”
by Jared Mayes

Ralph Waldo Emerson once posed the theory that if one “acts as if” long enough, they shall one day become.

The fake it until you make it concept. Similar to the idea that to get the job you want you must dress for the part. You wouldn’t go into an interview at a law firm wearing surf shorts and a tank top. You also probably wouldn’t show up to a lifeguard interview wearing a three piece suit.

Most people spend their whole lives trying to live up to expectations placed upon them by society, family, or other external factors. They completely disregard the expectations they have for themselves. A lack of personal values and morals that leads to falling victim to peer pressure and more often than not, addiction. Little did I know, I had been practicing Emerson’s theory most of my adult life. I saw a value in others seeing me as a lowlife, drug addict criminal. After years of acting as is I obliviously became just that. I couldn’t pin point the exact moment I went from a naïve adolescent trying to fit in, to a full fledged drug addict but I found myself living a life I was never destined to live.

After years of tumultuous behaviors and risky decisions I came to a point where I no longer saw value in that lifestyle, let alone any value in myself.

Fast forward almost 28 months I can reflect upon the journey I have embarked on to once and for all hang up the hat I once wore and put on a hat more suitable for a confident and respectable adult. There have been bumps along the way. Bumps that questioned my integrity, my willingness and my dedication. For once in my life I was truly exposed as to what I had become. I had to everyday look at myself in the mirror and decide to either remain the same or put in the work to change.

I eventually learned to adapt to this new life style that was imposed upon me and once again had to act as if.

This new role was understandably uncomfortable at first and often times I slipped back into my old ways. Eventually the practice paid off and somewhere along the line it become less of me trying to adhere to the rules and standards that decent human beings practice and more about me just wanting to make good choices.

It’s similar to buying a new pair of shoes. Of course you buy them for a reason because they looked cool, or matched an outfit. When you first put them on though, they are not broken in and are often times uncomfortable. It is a foreign feeling and you will naturally miss your old shoes. The ones perfectly worn in and conformed to your feet. There will most likely not be a particular moment where it clicks and the shoes become broken in, but eventually the new shoes will be just as much apart of you as the old raggedy pair once were.

Similarly I can not pin point when this internal transition actually occurred but I recently found myself in a position where I had to choose to either do the right thing or sell out my integrity to avoid the possible consequences of my actions. I quickly realized that I was more than okay standing accountable for my shortcomings rather than trying to weasel my way out of the situation. It was a very serene moment knowing that I had finally become the person I wanted to be and didn’t have to put emphasis on trying to do the right thing. I now had found the confidence to trust in myself to make the right decisions based not on fear, but instead based on my core values.

I believe a big part of this process can be attributed to motives.

It’s fairly easy to perform a role when your motive is to have others perceive you a certain way. The issue with that is there is rarely any longevity to the results. When the motive is to instead genuinely do something positive for yourself, you can expect purer and less translucent results. The new shoes I now wear are broken in and feel great. After 28 months, this guy, the junkie who would have sold his soul for a dime bag,  is confident that he will be okay. Confident that he can do anything he sets his mind to, and confident that above all else he has “become.”