Habili-blog 11/12/18
“Accept yourself”
by Jared Mayes
It was the summer between 5th grade and 6th. We had just moved back to Texas from our most recent short lived stay in Kansas. I was prepared to count down the days until I inevitably started the first day of middle school in a foreign school with foreign kids who had already spent the majority of their carefree lives building bonds and clicks, none of which I would ever be able to wiggle my way into.
Then one day I heard the break in my monotonous cartoon regimen. “Ding Dong” I unwillingly found the strength to peel myself off the couch. I went to the door to find six smiling kids caught somewhere between childhood and puberty. It was the welcoming committee and as fate would have it they were there for me. I had friends. The quiet, fly on the wall was now a part of. The rest of the summer was spent tirelessly playing outside, riding bikes, building forts, staying up way too late, and flirting with the neighborhood girls. School came and went and just like that I had been accepted into what came to be one of the best circle of friends I have ever had.
Over the years and through my addiction I have done a pretty darn good job of burning every bridge that connected me and those who cared for me.
The same acceptance that my childhood friends offered me was now second to a needle and a pipe. I don’t really know where my logic was to push all the people I once craved acceptance from, to the point of rejection, but I soon found myself looking for acceptance in all the wrong places. As a human race we will always crave the acceptance of others. The only substitution that can fill that void is the temporary comfort of drugs. Drugs not only offered me acceptance, but confidence and affection as well. The only problem is it came with a high price. It cost me my integrity and dignity in the process.
When the drugs go away so does our comfort.
We become lost in a vast sea and the flotation device that kept us from sinking is stripped away. We have a choice. To learn to swim on our own or drown. After swallowing a lot of seawater I have finally learned the art of staying afloat. The acceptance I once craved is now filled by a sense of self respect that is dictated by my ability to love myself and be ok with who I am. A lot of that comes from my actions that I chose to make and the constant checks and balances system to make sure those choices align with my chosen set of values and morals.
Even if you’ve never done drugs or for lack of a better term are a “normie” I’m sure you can relate. Finding comfort in external sources such as food, working out, relationships, careers or any other similar source can be just as detrimental to your sense of self, as an addiction to drugs. “But Jared, some of those things like working out, and having a career sound like a good thing!” I know I know, it’s hard to compare shooting heroin to pumping iron, but check this out. What happens when you injure yourself and the doctor tells you no more exercising? What happens when you get laid off from your dream job?
To build a house the most integral step is laying the foundation.
If you don’t use the best materials for the job, your foundation will surely crack and the integrity of the house will be compromised. The same is true with a person’s state of well being. Don’t lay the foundation of your self confidence with something that could disappear. The only thing that can’t ever be taken away from someone is the set of principles in which they live by. Build your confidence from your choices.
Don’t be accepted; accept yourself.
Every other aspect of your life: hobbies, jobs, relationships are just the material that makes up the rest of the house. When you build a house you cannot expect to finish it and “voila” it lasts forever. A house requires maintenance. When the shingles get damaged you replace them, when the gutters get clogged, you remove the muck. The foundation however, stands strong. How? Because no matter what you go through or the changes that we must adapt to we have the confidence that if we make good choices we will not crack; we will persevere.
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