Resistance to the very things that will help us!
Learning right living isn’t always easy. Often we resist the very things that will help us live the very life that we long for. It has been our experience that gratitude is directly related to happiness.
We have an exercise we do which requires the individual to write a list of everything they are grateful for. After the list is completed we send each person out to find a small rock in nature. When everyone returns with their rock we explain that this rock will now represent everything they have to be grateful for.
Hold your Gratitude Rock in your hand and think about the people and things that you have in your life right now which you are grateful for. Think about the incredible experiences you’ve had as a result of having these special people and possessions in your life. When you do this on a consistent basis and start to associate the power of this experience and the feeling of gratitude with your Gratitude Rock, you are creating a very formidable base from which everything else will grow.
Now whenever you touch your Gratitude Rock, you will start to experience the same magnificent feeling of gratitude immediately and you will be reminded of all the wonderful things that you already have in your life. The people you love. The good times you’ve had with them. Whenever you find yourself overwhelmed by life’s daily stresses, all you need to do is to grab your Gratitude Rock and you will feel this positive energy and put yourself in the right state of mind immediately.
One young man, who was full of self doubt and lack of motivation decided to resist the lesson. He thought it was silly, he balked at the exercise thinking he was too cool for such a thing.
The next morning when asked where his rock was he laughed and said he didn’t need any rock. This didn’t sit well with the other Habilitat residents not to mention the staff. Later that evening he was asked again for his rock and again he balked.
It was decided that, like all the exercises at Habilitat, he would have to participate and there was no negotiating. At Habilitat you do what you are told or you can choose another place to reside.
This young man obviously needed this lesson since the power of gratitude was something he didn’t really understand. We decided to have him sit with his rock for a while. It took a few days before he gave in but eventually he got it. He surrendered his resistance and quickly started to focus on everything he was grateful for. From that day on he carried that rock in his pocket. In fact, nearly two years later while in a group we asked him where his rock was. He dug into his pocket and pulled it out and said “I am never without it!”
This may sound crazy but this lesson totally transformed this young mans attitude from bitter and resistant to change into a very humble and grateful human being. From that point on he cooperated, learned all he could and continued to grow into someone his children could be proud of.
The last we heard he still carried his rock with him each day. He moved on and now lives on another island where he helps him aging mother, raises his children and lives each day in gratitude for everything in his life!
We never know what lessons can transform our lives. Live your life seeking the lesson in everything. Resistance is only limiting you from being the person you want to be. It’s never too late to be that person you always wanted to be!
Every Addict has an Enabler
Throughout our history Habilitat has worked diligently to teach a lifestyle based on common sense and logic. Our philosophy is centered in “self-reliance” and “independence.”
Unfortunately too many families unwittingly contribute to the addict’s demise by enabling the addictive process. Some do it out of guilt, some out of love but most out of ignorance.
I have never met an addict that didn’t have an enabler. Whether it’s the rescuer mom, the understanding father, the guilty grandmother or even the state welfare system, we all have our benefactors.
We have a saying at Habilitat that continues to run true to this day. “The quickest way to take someone’s dignity is to do for them that which they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves.”
That being said, in this day and age, parents and families simple do too much for their loved ones. For those of us with a propensity toward addiction, it’s a recipe for disaster.
We have long understood that addiction is not the primary problem. In fact, Habilitat doesn’t subscribe to the common belief that addiction is a disease. If it is, where the hell did mine go? Because many of us old timers at Habilitat haven’t even thought about drugs in years! We believe that addiction is a symptom of a great many problems having to do with thinking.
If a person can learn a new way of thinking there is hope for a better life. We won’t say that Habilitat’s lifestyle is for everybody. It isn’t. We will say it can help anyone, addict or not. Yet it doesn’t help everyone. Why? Because not everyone is ready or willing to do what needs to be done to make the transformation from dependant and reliant to independent and self- reliant.
I have witnessed people come trough our rigorous program, make the changes in mentality and do their best to practice what they have worked so hard to learn…. Only to return to where there came from, the same environment, with the same toxic family dimensions, only to relive the same hell that brought them to us to begin with.
We do our best to inform families on the do’s and don’ts. Frankly many don’t want to hear it. They expect to send their kid to Habilitat and have us work our magic and then send the kid home… fixed! The problem is that they don’t ever stop to think about the contribution the family dynamic made to the whole addiction in the 1st place.
They want the kids to change but they are unwilling or unable to make the changes necessary to encourage long term success. Unfortunately the kids that return to the toxic setting are doomed to return to the same old Hell.
I can’t count how many times we have counseled parents, explaining that the less they do for the person the better off they will be. One woman in particular sent her son to Habilitat a few years ago. He was a tough case but we worked with him. He struggled through and eventually, after some 25+ months he got it. He started to realize that he was capable and he too could set goals and accomplish whatever he was willing to work for. We watched this kid grow up and become a man.
Upon his completion at Habilitat he moved out on his own. We helped him get a great job making very good money. He actually made more money that I did at the time! His family kept encouraging him to move back home. Eventually he did. Soon after mom and dad started doing too much for him… Mom, did his laundry, dad bought him a car, grandma helped too. Unwittingly, within months he was getting high again. He lost the job and was soon back to no good! He called us from Jail a few months ago asking where he went wrong.
I was so obvious to those who care to look. His family took his dignity without even so much as a second thought. You see, they didn’t believe what we told them about self reliance being directly related to self esteem. They just were not willing to listen. The kid is now in prison, He will be eligible for parole in 2018.
Another guy who comes to mind was a real role model at Habilitat. He adapted and thrived in our environment. When it came time to graduate we warned him….”don’t go home!” Unfortunately he and his family didn’t listen. Last year in September they buried him near their home on another island. He died in a car after drinking and driving. They called me to inform me about the tragedy and made it clear that they now believed we were right. Too late for him though!
Without struggle there is no progress. The determination to survive and make it on our own is a lesson which the value is without parallel. Take our advice… stop enabling the addict and give them the opportunity to do for themselves!
Jeff Nash
Recovered Addict
Facility Director
Habilitat, Inc
Addiction… Disease or Myth
I honestly don’t buy into the whole imbalanced brain thing. Perhaps we have the propensity toward addiction but then again what about those that have the propensity to shop or eat chocolate… Is that too an imbalanced brain?
Frankly I think the whole disease concept was created by the American medical establishment so that they could get 3rd party payment. There is a very frightening trend that has developed momentum in the past few decades. The new trend is for doctors to assign labels and prescribe drugs. The result… a whole generation of people who believe they have a mental disorder and have become dependant on script drugs.
I can’t count how many times we have people come in with these labels and have been brainwashed to believe they are Bi Polar, Manic Depressive or other similar labels. That is not to say that the individual doesn’t have the typical symptoms… just that labels and drugs are not usually the answer… these limiting beliefs make our work all the more challenging. We have to un-brainwash the individual and teach them to empower themselves.
I my opinion the medical establishment has done more to create a dependant society then anything else. There are billions spent on short term treatment for addiction with very little solid results.
I remember when I was doing the treatment thing. I have been through 14 programs and Habilitat 2X. One center I went to three separate times for a month stay each time. The doctors knew I needed something more substantial than what they were offering but they took me in each time… you think they treated me for free? Nope! 10K each time…. Meanwhile they knew it wouldn’t work… after all relapse is part of addiction right? WRONG! I was a billable commodity for them. Finally at the end of the 3rd treatment they suggested I might need a longer term program. They knew that from the 1st stay! But it won them another 20K to just let me go through the motions.
I have been labeled many things… Bipolar, Manic Depressive, Clinically Depressed, Anti Social, Incorrigible, and many others I don’t care to even remember. They prescribed me drugs, drugs and more drugs… lithium, librium, xanax, methadone, paxil, seraquil, valium, atavan, prozac and more… they said I had a chemical imbalance….
Of course I had a chemical imbalance… I was taking all those drugs along with Heroin, Cocaine, and Methamphetamine. That tends to confuse the natural order of the brain’s chemistry! But after a prolonged period of abstinence my brain did what brains do… it started to function normally again…. I hope anyway!
It took time… a long time… that’s why short term programs don’t get long term results… There is no short term solution to a long term problem… fact is that drugs create a long term problem with the brain… they alter the brain’s functions… at the time I couldn’t understand why, after a month off the stuff I still felt hopeless… “Anhedonia” look it up! It’s basically the inability to experience pleasure brought on, in the addicts case, by mixed up brain chemistry brought on by drugs. This condition can take months and months to overcome. Luckily in most cases it will go away… I have seen some people take up to 20 months to start to feel normal again, especially with Meth. If we “truly” knew how much it would mix us up we would probably never had tried the stuff to begin with. At least that’s my thought today! Back then no one could tell me anything…. But that’s a story for a different day!
I have never met a junkie that took his first hit with the intention of becoming a junkie. People start off because of peer pressure, to party and have fun like everyone else…. Some people just can’t stop after that. Their whole existence becomes tied to the finding, funding and using of the drugs. Most of us have a moment in our addiction where we ask ourselves “how the hell did this happen to me?”
“The person takes the drug, the drugs takes the drug, the drug takes the person!”
The road to recover has a lot to do with not using drugs. The road to life has more to do with taking charge of our own lives and finding new ways to deal with our problems. I get a kick out of people when they tell me “I’m in recovery too!” I almost always reply with “REALLY! I am RECOVERED!” The idea that we will always be in recovery is not a belief that I care to subscribe to. I always like to ask people when they plan on finishing their recovery. See, their belief that they will never be rid of their addiction keeps them focused on not using drugs… The main focus of that idea is “USING DRUGS.” We teach people to focus on life, creating opportunities, and doing what will create a better tomorrow for them and their families.
So, is addiction a disease? I think not. If so, where did mine go? If there is a disease I would say it is more of a disease of character… one of mediocrity, mass thinking, and lack of discipline. These things can be overcome with the right motivation. I know because I did it! For all those wonderful doctors who tried so hard to convince me that I had a label and needed their drugs…. Well, they were wrong! Every last one of them! With all the school and all their experience, they couldn’t help me. I had to help myself!
Ask any shrink if they think long term treatment works better for addictions and they will tell you “YES!” The fact is that there is no money in long term success just like there is no money in the cure for cancer etc…. Ok…ok… now you think I some kind of conspiracy theorist… Nope… treating addiction is big business and there are many people getting fat from the profits… Why? Because they are in the money business not the people business. Profitability is of the highest order. Show me a clinic that will treat someone for free, that is without any form of compensation…There might be a few good doers but the reality is that most people are in the business for the almighty dollar… Hence the idea that addiction is a disease. Show me a doctor that can get paid for treating addiction without the addiction being a disease… How about we make PMS a disease? Or overeating… hell that kills more people than addiction by far! Smoking? Why isn’t that a disease? It’s an addiction? If we follow the flawed logic that drugs kill people and they should be illegal and the people who do them should be locked up… what about the tobacco industry? Why is Budweiser sold on every corner but when I got busted with a $5 piece of crack I was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not advocate for legalizing dope. Just that the system is full of double standards.
Habilitat and a few others like it seem to be the only organized efforts to treat the person not the addiction. We see it every day…. A person comes in thinking their addiction is the problem… take away the drugs and you have a person with many other issues, self-esteem, guilt, historical pain, abuse, neglect, lack of coping skills, anger issues, lack of confidence and many more… For any addict to recover fully these areas have to change otherwise the cycle will repeat itself. Addiction is a symptom of a serious set of problems that can’t and won’t be fixed with a label or a pill. Either way… it all comes down to choice… Showing people that they have a choice is where the efforts pay off!
Jeff Nash
Recovered Addict
Facility Director
Habilitat, Inc.
Lets Get Real Here…It’s a Right of Passage!
We encounter many things in our efforts to help people reclaim their lives after succumbing to addiction. Unfortunately there are so many misconceptions that many people just don’t really understand all the issues related to addiction and, more importantly, the recovery process. We often find that families have the idea that they will send their loved one off to rehab and they will come back healed!
First let get something straight… We don’t heal anyone! We never have and we never will. There is no magic cure. I wish there was because the world would be a better place and I would be a very rich man. Unfortunately, to date no one has found a magic pill that will cure addiction and they never will. Why not you ask? Because addiction is not so much an issue of drug use. In fact, the use of substances is merely a symptom of a combination of things.
“We CAN’T medicate ourselves out of a problem that we behaved ourselves into!”
Yes, that’s right…. That goes for anything. Americans seem to think that there is a pill for everything. Think about it! People spend years practicing a set of behaviors that lead to eventual unstable health (mental, emotional or otherwise.) To expect lasting change from a pill is simply a recipe for disaster. In order to change one must change the behaviors that created the situation. In most cases that requires a change of lifestyle.
So, now to the point of this rant!
Habilitat works very hard to prepare individuals for a productive lifestyle. The point of our organization is to empower people to become independent and self-reliant. Our philosophy is simple. Hard work and strong values make a person worthy of feeling good about their lives which eventually leads to a meaningful life one can be proud of.
Many people come to Habilitat unable to even look at themselves in the mirror without feeling deep self loathing. Our regimen guides people through those feelings are helps create a self identity that is strong, confident and ready to embrace the challenges of everyday life.
That confidence is built from one’s ability to overcome the numerous obstacles they face in our artificial imposed environment. When a person leaves Habilitat they feel good because they have accomplished things that they didn’t even know they were capable of.
See, addicts often possesses qualities that other people just don’t have. We usually have a unique “sixth sense” that we developed from life in the addictive process. Add to that the creativeness and tenacious will we had to get high and you have a person who has the ability to achieve great things. We just need direction. In fact, the very skills that we used to find, fund and chase the drug can be focused and directed to create a very interesting lifestyle. We have seen it over and over again.
Still we need to get real here. The reality is that only a little over 1/3 of people who enter Habilitat actually finish it. Why? Because it’s hard. Habilitat will work for anyone but it doesn’t work for everyone. Not everyone is willing to go through the programming to redirect those “dope fiend” qualities to become a “recovered addict.”
Of those that do finish Habilitat, about 54% never have issues with addiction of substances again. Obviously that means that 46% continue to use drugs after the Habilitat experience! The question is WHY!
There is no simple answer. Some come to Habilitat to avoid incarceration. Some to get their parents off their back. Some come because they are tired of the results of their addiction. Whatever the reason it always has to do with some for of pressure, street pressure, family pressure or legal pressure. Either way, 54% of the ones that finish Habilitat go out into the world and create a life for themselves, recovered from their addiction.
So for those who return to their addiction…. How and why does it happen? Those people in that 46% have some things in common. This is not always the case but it sure seems to be something to take note of. Here is what we have observed through the years.
• They return to the exact environment they came from.
• They don’t get to work as soon as they leave Habilitat.
• They move back in with enabling family.
• They immediately search for a romantic relationship.
• They get involved in an unhealthy relationship.
• They fail to secure employment and take the welfare handout.
• They choose to associate with old friends or family who are on drugs.
• They think its ok to drink alcohol since it is legal which leads to drug use.
There are probably more precursors to continued addiction. We have tried to identify the most common here. It seems that there are usually combinations of factors that contribute to the fall. That’s why we teach people to consider what is SAFE first.
We continue to work toward educating families so that their lack of knowledge will not end up contributing to the demise of our proud graduates. When someone leaves Habilitat as a graduate the have been conditioned, seasoned if you will, to use critical thinking to insure their safety. They are programmed to do things to the very best of their ability. They are hard workers and feel a new sense of independence and they will continue that as long as they continue to do the very things that brought them to that place.
Its not rocket science! In fact, its mostly common sense. Lets face it, common sense is not quite so common anymore!
You wouldn’t believe how many people we have seen go down the tubes after leaving Habilitat simply because the families wouldn’t allow the person to “Do For Themselves.”
We have come to believe that it is usually fueled by guilt and sometimes misguided love. Often times families want to make things easier by taking care of everything upon program completion. This is probably the 1st sign of impending disaster.
Lets take a better look at this… person comes to Habilitat because they can’t get their act together. They work hard and get to a point where they are not only capable but are actually doing what society expects and then some. Now they practice this for a while then when we feel they have a great chance of continued success we send them back into the world. The parents are so happy that they now want to celebrate by giving them everything and making things as easy as possible.
Take note here…
1st…They got better because we MADE them work their butts off and earn EVERYTHING!
2nd…Why the heck would we want to celebrate the fact that someone is doing what is expected anyway? What message does that send? People always ask why I don’t celebrate my sobriety date. Simple! I will not celebrate something that I should have been doing all along!
A very famous Fredrick Douglas once said “Without a struggle the can be no progress.”
Guys, trust us on this one… The struggles that one faces after Habilitat will define the individual’s future. The more you do to remove the struggle… the more you do to disable the very person you think you are helping. The struggles are a “right of passage” from dependent addict to independent adult, and outstanding member of our society.
You see, we spend an average of 2.5 years teaching people the survival skills needed to live a productive life without substances. That’s it… we teach the skills… It’s up to them to go out and use them. If you remove their ability to use those skills you remove their ability to survive (based on what we taught them.)
Now here is the lesson… The less you do for our graduates… the better their chances. PERIOD!
They are perfectly capable of doing everything on their own. We wouldn’t call them a graduate otherwise!
So PLEASE! Rethink your guilt, your motives. Consider what you do and why you do it. Is it helping or is it contributing to the eventual demise of someone who had a fighting chance… if only they could have been allowed to do it on their own!
I hope we haven’t offended anyone here. But if we did then I guess the message hit home! The fact is that this stuff is so common that it needs to be said. We take what we do here very seriously. It’s deadly serious in fact. See, we get phone calls from parents who say “I wish we would have listened!” For them it’s too late. On average we receive two or three calls a year from parents who didn’t listen and regret it only after its too late.
For those of you who want more info…. Read our founder’s book. Its called Journey to Hell and can be purchased on Amazon I think.
Aloha until the next time!
